Chocoholics’ favourite time of the year is now upon us. Yes that’s right, it’s Easter time. And here at Spidersnet we got a shipment of Cadbury Creme Eggs that we just didn’t know what to do with. Remember earlier in the year when Cadbury caused the whole of Britain to go berserk by declaring that they would no longer be using their delicious Dairy Milk chocolate for their Creme Eggs? Remember the way in which it brought the whole country to a halt the same way as a slight drop of snow, or a man assaulting another man over some food?
Well, here at Spidersnet, we thought that we would come up with some other uses for Creme Eggs. It seems that they’re no longer edible, so here are some other ways in which you can not eat yours…
If you are good at juggling then you should probably be working in a circus. A circus or a hospital entertaining poorly children. It would be a shame to attain the skills required to be a competent juggler and then waste them by opting for a profession where ‘being good at juggling’ is not listed in the job description. We hate wasted talent here at Spidersnet.
But if you are a good juggler, and just enjoy juggling in your spare time, then why not practice and hone your skills using a few Creme Eggs? You never know, through practicing with these treasonous treats, you may end up a good enough juggler that you could reevaluate your career. Or not.
Conkers is a game that is steeped in British tradition. Come the end of September all the kids are outside gathering the seeds from horse chestnut trees in preparation for conker season. Well, not so much these days, but we all remember the game from our childhoods. Whoever had the most powerful conker was lord of the playground. They would saunter around with their entourage, getting to the front of the lunch queue and having first choice of milk. We all dreamed of being lord of the playground didn’t we? Yet that role was only reserved for a select few.
Anyway, now you can play conkers all year round. Simply replace the nut with a Creme Egg. It can be tricky fastening the string to the egg, but once you’re up and running, the game is essentially the same. It is, however, a much quicker game as chocolate and cream is much less structurally sound than the nuts from a horse chestnut tree. Even chocolate so hideous as the new Creme Egg formula.
No one likes feeling stressed, especially at work. Lots of us have those days when it feels like everything is piling up on top of us. And whilst it is nice to take a minute and pop outside for a walk in order to calm yourself down and recompose yourself, sometimes you just don’t have time. This is where stress balls come in handy. Give them a big squeeze and everything is ok.
Whilst I will admit squeezing a Creme Egg in place of a stress ball is not the most efficient of answers – you only really get one good squeeze out of it – it is surprisingly good at helping you calm down. Though dealing with the creamy mess in your hand can often be just as stressful as the issues which were causing you to squeeze the egg in the first place.
Golf is a very popular sport among car dealers. It can be a nice way to relax in the evening after a busy day on the forecourt. You can hit a few balls, go for a stroll in the beautiful outdoors with the wind in your hair and forget about the daily grind. Or you can turn up, head straight to the driving range and hit some Cadbury Creme Eggs with your brand new driver. It’s up to you.
If you are as upset as we are about the lack of Dairy Milk chocolate being used in Creme Eggs nowadays, then you could always start a petition. Or, if you just can’t be bothered, you could simply take out your rage with your golf club. If you catch it sweetly, the egg explodes into smithereens.
See how high you can throw it and catch it in your mouth…
How high can you throw a Creme Egg before catching it in your mouth? This was much more fun when the chocolate tasted nice. But the game is still entertaining for those who are watching as you hurl this hard lump of chocolate and cream into the air only for it to take your good eye or shatter your incisors.
Don’t let the taste of the lower grade chocolate put you off. Give it a go. See how high you can throw it whilst still being able to catch it in your gob. We bet you can’t beat Arren’s attempt…
Warning: Spidersnet cannot be held responsible if you:
Throw a Creme Egg in the air and smash your front teeth out.
Throw a Creme Egg in the air and blind yourself
Throw a Creme Egg in the air and proceed to choke on it as it lodges itself in your throat
Get thrown out of your local golf club for creating a large creamy eggy mess
Rely on a Creme Egg to alleviate your stress only to be left more stressed due to a creamy eggy hand